I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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