Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
