Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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