I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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