apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
