i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
