im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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