I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
