ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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