We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
