wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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