It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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