Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
