i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Randomize
