why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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