Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
