Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i came on her dog
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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