After last night, I could never be a politician.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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