her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
