Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
