never play flip cup with pint glasses
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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