Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
