I wish I could punch you in the face.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
