Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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