Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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