some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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