if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
