Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
it's like iHOP with fire
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
