why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
