She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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