So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
