Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
