so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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