It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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