I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
