So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Come see our sink grown plant.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
