Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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