butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
