I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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