Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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