girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
