grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
