I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
