I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
