Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
