youre lurking in front of me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
