Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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