they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
