I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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