I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
