Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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