I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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