Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
